WWA Info Exchange

If someone posted this earlier I apologize, my memory fades quickly these days:

As we come near the end of another year - I want to thank all of you for
your "educational" e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although the cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine
how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing..
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers..
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the
microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. Disfiguring me
for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they
are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda
, Singapore , and Uzbekistan
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Woolies since I now have their
recipe.
THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black
spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites
my butt.
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up something dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by
a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain fuel
companies!
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
Oh, by the way.....A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
PS: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because water splashes
over 6 ft. out of the commode. Amen!!!!!!

this is gold
and

freaking FUNNY

I truly hold by breath when I flush the toilet and rush to cover my tooth brush

_________________
Mango
The land some where in the middle
20 47 00N -156 26 00W

too funny. Thanks, now I need to dry my eyes.


Wayne

_________________
My father was my Mentor for my WW hobby. luv ya dad.

WW'ers I have met.
Guroo
Verna
Wooder
Paul, (brother,)
Falcon1.
Gene and his friend George

I've nerer seen any of that either and, I deleted the e-mails that prove it!

Rog

_________________
Dont badmouth no strangers, they just friends you aint met yet.

An ounce of responsibility is worth a pound of State and Federal laws.

I spent most of my money on woodworking
tools and beer, the rest I just wasted.