Red oak is very open grain white oak is not. If you are using the put it on and wait method, try just rubbing the stain in until you get the desired colour then wipe it off immediately. aka known as the two rag method. You might also try thinning the stain with the approbate solvent or a lighter stain. Possibly filling the grain Durham's Rock Hard Water Putty works well on red oak and stains to the same colour, it seams to hold up to abuse I have used it on floors.
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Monte
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